I’ve lost count of the weeks and usually don’t know what day it is. This time, I can’t blame it on chemo brain, although I try! Still in self quarantine, practicing social distancing and not really seeing the end to it all. You know what, I am good with that. I always tell my sons not to be in a hurry to grow up. This is our time to not be in a hurry as well. Let’s enjoy this slow down as much as we can.
As the pace of my life has come to an almost screeching halt, my hair has started in on double time. Well played. While months ago I could just get a trim very easily, I carefully execute the clippers to avoid the magic mullet. It seems the mop on my head is growing at a record pace, thicker than before and a whole new texture. I am definitely not used to this as I had nothing and then very sparse and short hair for 14 months. I find it comical when I wake looking like a frayed q-tip. It’s an interesting shade of pewter that changes on a weekly basis pending on what temporary things I do to it. Right now, it’s a pink and grey hue, like a throwback to the preppy 80’s kid I am.
Man oh man, my nails. It’s crazy how fast they’re growing and how incredibly strong they are. I keep them short because my lifestyle is too busy for long nails and the upkeep of that. I have not had a manicure nor pedicure since November of 2018. Let that sink in for a second. If you’re thinking I could use my toes to hook fish at the nearby creek, you are sadly mistaken. Self-care was important to me during chemo and I kept all my digits pretty and polished the entire time myself. It doesn’t even register with me that I can’t get them done right now as that’s how my life has been for a while anyway. Whew! What a time to be hella low maintenance, right?
I’ve been working out at home as much as I can. Between some running, rebounder, lifting weights and joining my sons at times with their own Physical Education assignments, it has been pretty good. I’m also part of a group of cancer survivors who get weekly challenges of different activities. I’ve been trying to do those while watching our governor’s press conferences. It’s not quite the same as going to the gym but it’s all good. Physical activity is good for everyone, it is especially important to those of us who have either finished treatment or are still in treatment. What have y’all been doing to keep the heart rate up during quarantine life? Let’s share ideas and keep each other motivated.
There are moments of boredom, especially on rainy days and this spring has been awfully rainy. Sweet glorious boredom. It is a good thing, especially when you have kids. Our kids have been so busy with school, sports and social things that there has been little down time for them, until this all happened. Let them be bored. Let them figure it out. Saying you’re bored to me while I am cooking, cleaning or doing laundry is going to get you nothing more than a stare. I want them to realize how wonderful it is to be bored. It means you have time.
The only thing that has not slowed down for me is my head. It still goes a mile a minute. I am in constant awareness of my body and how it feels. Any new ache, pain or discoloration sends me into a slight state of panic, sometimes more than slight. It’s harder for me right now. I don’t have the luxury of my cancer team to run to when an issue arises. I can’t really run to my primary care physician either. Both places are risky with Covid-19. I remind myself regularly that I am ok and will continue to be ok and will be able to get back to my appointments soon enough.
Don’t be in so much of a hurry for life to resume at the pace it was before all of this pandemic living started. Even with my fears and anxieties, I’m patiently waiting and hoping things stay shut for a while longer. With the flattening of the curve and numbers going down, we keep our hospitals from being over run and we protect our healthcare workers, which benefits everyone. I’m going to be a little selfish here. It benefits me.
Find the good in your days, even when they suck. No lie, there are some instances that suck here too. Either a kid has some crazy school assignment, someone forgot something, things break or don’t work and we can’t get anyone in yet to help, shit happens. We were in the process of selling our home to move out of state when this all hit. Here we sit in the dirty Jersey. It’s ok. Perhaps it was divine intervention? Whatever the cosmic reason may be, things are on hold for everyone, even me. I can roll with it. Look at how far I’ve been able to roll already!
Let’s all take a deep breath and recognize what we do have and what we have control over while continuing to practice safe social distancing so that we can all be safe and hang out together again. Take your time...
