Motherhood and chaos go hand in hand. A cancer diagnosis and chaos go hand in hand. Now put those two together. I don’t do well with chaos and surprises so it was rough, to say the least.
The school year is almost over and no one can possibly be more excited about that than I am. Nope, not even my kids can come close to this one. Why? Well, being a mom is a tough but rewarding job. Being a mom undergoing chemotherapy and surgeries is insane. One of my biggest concerns with dealing with cancer was my kids. How do I parent and go through treatments without losing my shit? Is it possible to do this and keep my kids on track with school, activities and socially? My youngest was starting middle school and would need help with organization and some academic things while my oldest has some challenges of his own that he constantly works to overcome but he always needs a little extra from me.
During the fall and winter, they couldn’t have friends over because of my compromised immune system. I couldn’t risk catching anything as infections delay treatments. They were able to go over friend’s houses. That seemed to work. I had to stay out of their school as they are hotbeds of all sorts of crazy germs that my body couldn’t handle. That meant I could not see my youngest play the clarinet for the winter concert. He’s an amazing kid with music. Any instrument he touches he manages to bring to life beautifully. I had to carefully pick and choose where to go and what to do with them during the winter months.
Helping them study was a proverbial hot mess. Chemo brain is bizarre. You know what you want to say but it just doesn’t happen that way. Other stuff comes flying out. Forget about helping with math. One night, I went to help my oldest with math and kept calling the numbers all sorts of ridiculous things that were not even close. He decided he needed to help me instead and wound up explaining it to himself perfectly. Whew. Chemo brain lasts quite a while after all is done. No one tells you that going in. All of a sudden, you realize your brain has turned to shit. It sometimes felt like I was drunk without having had any fun. No fair. Still, we survived three marking periods with me not really being able to help them the way I normally could. Both boys have made me so proud with how well they have done. Somehow, I managed to help them and they helped themselves as well. Maybe it was a lesson in growth for all three of us. My oldest learned that he didn’t need me as much and my youngest learned to rely on me a bit more. I learned to let go a little and have some faith that I have set them up for success.
I’ve learned that having more down time was important. It helped me rest and feel better but it created lots of fun as well. There were lots of movie nights or watching cartoons with the kids. I had opportunities to tell funny stories of my own to them and really connect. We stayed homemost of the time . We all learned to slow down a bit and really enjoy life. If we made it to soccer, great but if we didn’t, well, that was great too, and still is.
My cancer diagnosis helped me realize what was most important in motherhood. Building the perfect childhood doesn’t exist. That's not the job of parenting. Shuttling them everywhere and running myself ragged is pointless. Spending time together and listening to each, well, that’s perfection, at least in my opinion. I want to keep this slow pace with my family a while longer…ok, permanently. Last year, I was exhausted trying to make life perfect for them. Between the stress of schoolwork, sports and one kid and myself having pneumonia, I was spent. One would think I’d be more spent this year but I am not.
I am the happiest and calmest I have ever been. Is it possible that the chaos of motherhood combined with the chaos of cancer caused the chaos to just cancel out? Does cancer make us realize what is truly important in life? Is this what I was supposed to learn?
Comentários