I’ve learned a lot along the way, enough that it’s really not so scary all of the time. The second I was thrown into this mess, I was terrified. The more you know, the easier it gets. Here’s a little crash course should any one of you or your loved ones find yourself in this position…
Breast cancer is more than just one disease. It’s NOT one size fits all. There’s Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS), Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC), Tubular carcinoma, Medullary carcinoma, Mucinous carcinoma, papillary carcinoma, Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (ILC), Inflammatory, Lobular Carcinoma In Situ, Paget’s…the list goes on. Now, on top of all of those, you could be estrogen receptor +/-, Progesterone receptor +/- and HER2 +/-. Then there’s Oncotype, Mammaprint and Ki-67 scores that tell you how aggressive it is. As you can see now, there are many many combinations. Mine was DCIS, IDC HER2+ with a Ki-67 of 20 (for a nasty bitch, Felicia was a lazy one).
Any horror stories you may have heard about breast cancer, please flush that shit down the toilet. Breast cancer is unique to an individual. Just like the cancer being unique to the patient, so is the treatment. For mine, the big guns were pulled out from the start, which I like. Double mastectomy followed by two different aggressive chemotherapy protocols, neither of which were awful. There are blocks that are given during surgery so there’s no pain for a few days. Once it starts to wear off, you’re well on your way to being ok anyway. I made it through a double mastectomy on Tylenol and I am a weenie for pain. Same goes for chemotherapy. I don't like to be uncomfortable.
Automatically, when most people hear chemo, they picture patients being very thin and frail with lots of nausea and vomiting. That was the case years ago. Now, there are pre meds to counteract all of that plus prescriptions you are given before even starting so that you can stay ahead of side effects. Let me tell ya about the steroids. I come home from chemo feeling fine but a little sleepy because of Benadryl. However, the sleepiness goes away fast and then I’m flying for a few days! House becomes immaculate and I make Donna Reed look like a slacker until the ‘roids wear off. I made it work for me, lol!!
There are many approaches to treating breast cancer. Those decisions are made by patients, surgical oncologist, medical oncologists and radiology oncologists, each having an arsenal of weapons to pick from. What I am trying to say here is it’s really not as awful as you think as long as you are informed and stay a step ahead…which is why early detection is key. If you, your wife, sister, mother, girlfriend, etc are overdue for a screening, go make an appointment. Make a day out of it. The screening process isn’t bad nor does it take a lot of time. Don’t be embarrassed either. Trust me, those technicians have seen it all and nothing will rattle them. The hardest part is the not knowing, now THAT is scary. A fair amount of breast cancer is treatable/curable in in it’s early stages. Use that to your advantage. I’m gonna level with you. The surgery wasn’t bad, chemo was totally doable, side effects manageable…being bald sucks ass. It’s freaking cold as hell. I sleep with a winter hat on. I want my f&%$ing hair back and I don’t give a shit if it’s grey or white at this point. That struggle is real for me. I’m tired of wigs and hats and turbans. What I wouldn’t give to have my husband’s hair length at this point! Not his hair line though although he can certainly rock it!
Not too long ago was International Women’s Day where we celebrate women’s rights and inspiring women. That day, I heard a lot about “knowing your worth.” Part of that includes taking better care of ourselves and that means putting our health first. Women have a tendency to try and do everything and take care of everyone that often we put ourselves last. I am hella guilty of that. We need to knock that off. Men, make sure the women in your lives take time to put themselves and their health first. Better yet, make sure they know their worth and know they need to come first. We can’t run the world if we are run down!
This journey has been rough at times on me and my family. It’s almost impossible to juggle everything from chemotherapy days to homework and housework when you’re fatigued and have shit for brains because of the brain fog…but I do it. I have managed to “graduate” from physical therapy in 6 short weeks. Frozen shoulder and chording have been resolved and my strength is back. I made it a goal to finish physical therapy before finishing chemotherapy and wasn’t sure if I was being realistic about it. I pushed through a lot of pain and discomfort and accomplished my goal. One more step towards a normal life again. Now I have logistical planning for my last surgery. My kids won’t have to miss school as this is a short and easy one and hopefully the recovery will be like the last two operations where I was back to myself in no time. I have an end date for chemotherapy the first week of April and a final reconstruction date in June and I am still learning what that all entails. Before the end of chemo, I meet with my surgical oncologist to see how the scars are healing and for a 4 month follow up. She will be seeing me every few months for the next few years. I also meet with a radiation oncologist next week to go over my particular case. Felicia was 12mm and only one node was involved so I am hopeful that I don’t need radiation as that would change everything about reconstruction. As I have said many times, it’s not a free boob job, it’s hella complicated. Radiation changes the skin structure in an area that is already compromised due to expansion. Implants would be very tricky because of that. I can’t take tissue from my belly or thighs because I am a lean machine. Nothing to spare there. I know my case was presented to the tumor board after the operation and it was determined I am most likely not a candidate for radiation however, they still want to meet with me to go over everything. I am trying not to worry about it. My main concern is making sure my team has done all things possible to make sure I am cancer free. I don’t want to look over my shoulder, wondering…
I am hopeful that the information I have just shared has made this whole breast cancer thing less doom and gloom. These are the things I wish I knew before starting on my own journey. I feel as though I owe it to everyone to be open about this. Many women have traveled this road and are too hushed about it... and it helps no one. If you are reading this and have questions, do not hesitate to seek me out and I will happily answer everything, honestly. I am here to help and to try and change the conversation about breast cancer...
As the school year comes to an end for my kids, my new life begins. It is new. Cancer changes you. It has to. I am almost seven months in this ordeal and am certainly not the same person I was going in. Was I afraid of dying at first? Absolutely. I was terrified of not waking up from surgery and terrified of what they’d find. Thankfully, Felicia was not the 19mm bundle of doom predicted but rather a 12mm bitch nugget. Am I afraid of dying now? Not really. Here’s my reality. Cancer can always come back, it’s not welcome and the odds are with me that it won’t. I’m not exactly afraid of that though. My life as a cancer patient goes from appointment to appointment or chemo to chemo. It’s been tough looking beyond that so I chose not to. I try to plan one week at a time since I never know what side effects I’ll get hit with and when. I am looking forward to a few vacations this summer and heading back to Cabo for my birthday. I am looking forward to the school year ending and my life as a normal (I use the term very loosely here) mother to resume. I want a summer of nothingness and time with my family with no pressures. Throw a little hair on my head and we have a winner! Now that is something to look forward to!
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