Life is full of curveballs and disappointments. We’ve all had them, especially during this Quarantine Life. Seems like a long stretch, right? Are we really nearing the return to a new normal though? For me, not so much.
I am six months out from completing my treatment for cancer. That was a rough world to be in and I have discovered that I haven’t really left but muggles think I am back to normal. It doesn’t work that way. My body and mind need some time to heal. There’s no timeframe in place. We are all different. My nose still drips like a faucet and I can send snot flying across a room easily. I’m plagued with epic hot flashes. My aches and pains are becoming less and I am working on rebuilding strength. I can’t hop right back to life the way it was, especially now with the current pandemic.
Coming out of cancer is a lonelier world than being in it. Coming out of treatment and walking into this shit storm is downright horrid. I get it, it’s not your world. My immune system took a massive hit during chemotherapy and was still suppressed during Herceptin and Perjeta. That is normal and to be expected. I isolated myself and my family kept me safe. The targeted therapies can lower our white blood cell count. It lowered mine and it’s still nestled happily in the low zone, not even half of what I was before all of this. That makes me a nervous mess at times.
So while I may look relatively like myself again and am able to do more things, I’m not quite there yet. Please don’t be put off by my not accepting invitations out nor inviting anyone over. I can’t yet. It’s risky for me. Equally risky would be my sons seeing their friends in person for an extended length of time. It’s a tough one to handle but they do understand it and have empathy. The only place I have been is to the cancer center for my six month check. Some counts are rising nicely but not my WBC, in fact, it’s a hair lower. That’s normal, it fluctuates. That means I’ll be hunkered down with my family a while longer than anticipated. It’s all good, I kinda like this life. Now that restaurants are open here in New Jersey, the only outside dining I am doing is either on my deck or patio. Still too risky. Seriously, I didn’t spend over a year battling cancer to chuck it.
While everyone is rushing to do things, go places and resume some sense of normalcy, please be cognizant of us cancer folks. Not only that, but be understanding, patient and kind. Watching everything play out over the past few months, I've gotten the impression many times that lives like mine are expendable. I can assure you, I am not.
My life really has not changed since chemotherapy ended. It hasn’t really changed since I finished my targeted treatments either. I was very careful about going places back then, now I send my husband out instead. I was at the gym nearly seven days a week. Now the great outdoors has become my treadmill and breathing in fresh air is exhilarating. I have a team of workout buddies in my own home who love to go in shifts for some alone time with me. I love it and because of that, I totally do not miss going to a gym. Good thing too because my ass won’t be going into one those anytime soon anyway! Of course now that I have stopped all infusions my hair is growing at some demonic warp speed. I’m not going anywhere for a haircut either. I’ve learned how to buzz and trim my hair thanks to various youtube videos. I’ve adapted. My family has adapted. I have found a way to keep myself safe and still enjoy my life. I did that during chemotherapy as well. As crazy as all of this is right now, rest assured, the best is yet to come