When I first met the husband, I made it clear how much I love Florida. We vacationed on the east coast and he was hooked. My plan was working! I’ve wanted to move down from New Jersey for a good twenty years but never did. Timing was never right. Together, we decided that the goal was, when he retired from education, we would move. Life tossed us some curve balls and we kept putting it off. Finally, last winter, our oldest was getting ready to promote out of eighth grade and I was cleared for take-off by my oncologist after 16 months of active treatment. We put our home on the market and hoped for the best. Then the pandemic hit.
We were disappointed but still determined, as was our realtor. As the numbers sky rocketed in New Jersey, we pulled the house off market for a few months. I believe that things happen for a reason and just stayed patient and focused, boxing things up and clearing things out to pass the time. Once we put it back on, we got an offer and left. But wait, I moved during the pandemic with a shit immune system? That’s right folks, I knew what I was doing. I wasn’t afraid of how crazy it was to move during the height of the pandemic, nor was I afraid of how absolutely open Florida was at the time. I was more afraid of, well, being afraid, plus, I’m a little batshit crazy too.
I was petrified with my diagnosis in the beginning and beyond afraid of the double mastectomy. I got through it. Once something like that hits you, your fears change. I am not fearless by any means. I was more afraid of not taking a chance.
My dream when I was in high school was to graduate college. I went for a year and then had to stop due to financial reasons. A few years later, I revisited the idea, choosing a college that had an excellent chemistry and physics program. I tip toed in, did my work, research and student teaching. I made it and graduated, proudly. I made that dream come true, and it wasn’t easy.
Our dream in marriage was to raise a family together. Cancer came roaring in 4 months into our marriage, biting the husband. As a result, we detoured and adopted not once, but twice. Now my babies are teenagers and super cool human beings. Together, we made that dream come true.
We dreamt about a life filled with sunshine, beaches and palm trees. We planned to move to Florida. I got cancer and life got put on hold. You know what wasn’t put on hold? Making our dream come to fruition. Once I was determined in remission, he put retirement papers in, put our home on the market, ready to make that dream come true. The first week our home was on the market and we had an open house, I took the family furniture shopping so we could pick out and dream about what we wanted. I wanted to look to the future and have my family dreaming right alongside with me.
I spent a long time holding down the fort, managing the kids and then my own treatment, knowing at some point, life would calm down again, and it has. The husband spent many years working 60+ hours per week, knowing that would result in the life we planned together. Moving during the pandemic, living where it was running rampant did not scare me. If I could handle the mother of all curveballs called cancer, I certainly could handle this place!
I’m not afraid to dream. I’m not afraid to make my dreams come true either. There were many opportunities for us to make excuses and not move. That would have been easy. I’ve always known that life is too short not to take chances, but after going through all of my surgeries, chemotherapy, targeted treatments and a few small emergencies, I REALLY knew that life is too short.
I want my sons to grow up dreaming and knowing that working hard can achieve those goals and dreams. I want to know me as someone who never gave up on her dreams, no matter what got thrown at me. For now, my dream remains to be the best version of me, live life out loud and grow old happily…