Christmas has come and gone. As the new Year approaches, resolutions are on the minds of many among us. The new year is a time for new beginnings, breaking of bad habits and starting fresh. For me, this year, it is a time of reflection while embracing the exhilaration of looking ahead. You all get New Year’s day on January 1, but mine really starts January 15th. That’s when I get to open the next chapter of my life, the one that reads, “Life After Cancer.”
Cancer changes many things in life, even the way holidays are celebrated. Last year, I spent Thanksgiving in the hospital and then my brother-in-law and his family hosted Christmas Eve, which is something
we have always done in my home. I was really in no shape to host, so it was a much needed break. We also did not make our usual pilgrimage to Hershey PA after Christmas for a few days.
The month of December is when I usually get my annual physical and then I spend days torturing myself while waiting for the results of my blood work. I have lived in fear for several years of a rare blood cancer called Waldenstrom’s Macroglobulinemia. My father had it. He died from it. People don’t normally pass away from it unless they chose to not be monitored and taken care of when blood levels change. That’s what happened to my father. My mother’s sister also died of Leukemia. I lived in fear of being diagnosed with a blood cancer and got a different one instead. Go figure.
What was I so afraid of? WM is treatable and manageable. I was afraid of the word. I’ll admit that the word still does give me pause, but less and less as I move forward in life. I was afraid of the treatments. People have reactions to some of the infusions. Chemotherapy was a frightening word. It shouldn’t be. There are many different protocols for premeds prior to treatment based on what has been seen in the past. My own chemotherapy had some heavy duty premeds to lessen inflammation and reactions and for that I am grateful. Chemotherapy is a big word meant to save lives. It’s really just the treatment of disease and not meant to frighten anyone. I survived chemotherapy for breast cancer and am no longer afraid of a word. I didn’t love chemo but I embraced the hope it gave me.
This year, things slowly are getting back to normal. We made our annual trek for Thanksgiving, hosted Christmas Eve and made it back to Hershey after Christmas for a few days. Some things are different. I ache. Profoundly. Exponentially when it is cold out. Walking through Hershey Park at night had me at a level of severe hips and knees pain that I hope to never experience again. Still, I wouldn’t change a thing as I love seeing the lights and rides at night.
As this year draws to a close, I am taking a look back at all I have been through and at times, I cannot believe I got through all of that cancer shit as unscathed as I did. Pain included. I consider that minimal to what could have been so I will take those aches, tyvm.
While people are talking about New Year’s Resolutions, I am simply grateful to be here. I don’t believe in resolutions as life is dynamic. The usual ones I hear are ‘lose weight, eat better, get more sleep, be more charitable, be more patient, etc…” I have one that I am going to ask of all of you. It’s simple. Schedule your medical appointments and keep them. No matter what. All of them. I know, it’s a hell of a list but it’s worth it. So much in life can be managed, taken care of or cured should they be caught in time. Still, so many people say they don’t have the time or that they only get seen if there is a problem or that it’s an abuse of insurance and that’s why rates are so high (that’s a special kind of stupid). If lack of insurance or funds are the reasons you don’t go for annual check-ups, hit me up. There are foundations out there that will pay for screenings for pretty much anything… if you need help finding the funds for all of the different screenings, message me please. I can help you get the resources you need to stay healthy.
I vowed that as a parent, I’d make sure my kids were up to date with all of their medical and dental appointments. It’s important to me to give them the best shot at a healthy life. Thankfully, my husband feels the same way and makes sure I keep my schedules as well, while staying up to date himself. I like that. Healthy wife, healthy life!
As the new year begins, I will be finishing with my last Herceptin and Perjeta infusion for HER2+ breast cancer. I’m in awe of this. I can still hear my plastic surgeon telling me the morning after my double mastectomy that I had a huge mountain to climb but he and the other surgeon would be there every step of the way. I’d also have a medical oncologist, who I have come to love and trust. I am about to end this part of the journey in the new year. The new year brings forth a new life.
My life has been abruptly halted for seventeen months. There was my old life, life before cancer, filled with a lot of fear. Then there is life after cancer, full of hope. This new year will bring forth tremendous changes for myself and my family, new beginnings with no room for fear. I’ve lived the first part of my life with all sorts of crazy assed fears looming in the cobwebbed corners of my mind. Who needs that shit? It does nothing but crowd out happiness and hope, which the world could really use a whole lot more of. Consider me your little demented pixie of happiness sprinkling hope seeds everywhere I go. Cheers to a fabulous new year for all!
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