Three rounds into Taxol and I think it looks like a pretty smooth ride. I made it through two weeks of no major side effects but got a tiny bit slapped with two. My heartburn and hiccups have returned but not horrible and I did get a skin reaction across my face. Looked like a horrible rash and felt like road rash. Cortisone cream seems to make it go away.
I am sprouting teeny tiny tufts of some really pale blonde hair on my head. It’s growing randomly so I look a little weird but I’ll take it. Will it stay this baby blonde? Who knows. New hair after chemo comes in all sorts of crazy ways with lots of unpredictable changes. I think this will be fun! My left eye has gone from having three eye lashes to filling out nicely again. I lost half the lashes on my right and that’s coming back now too. Brows are almost on fleek again…yay!!
I feel weirdly amazing. I look like a cancer patient with the bald head but I don’t feel like one at all anymore, except when I’m sitting in the infusion center with a line in my port! AC chemo was rough and has a long list of nasty side effects. Mine were relatively mild compared to what I’ve read. 72 hours after infusion, I’d get hit with some fatigue but never had a day where I could not get out of bed or leave the house. I’d nap for a few hours and be ok. I also got hit with anemia towards the end of it and that was rough. The hiccups, heartburn and lack of tastebuds were more of an annoyance than anything. AC couldn’t stop me from being me.
Taxol has it’s own little list of side effects but I’m 25% done with it and only have rare mild heartburn and hiccups and the occasional hot flash. I feel ridiculously good and am racing towards the finish line of chemotherapy. I have a calendar from the cancer center that has my end date for chemo. It is an amazing feeling when I look at it. Back in September, the end of this seemed so far away but it’s not. This has been hard but it’s doable.
Why am I doing so well when there are so many side effect combinations possible? I’m not sure. I tend to take a holistic approach to life but with cancer, you can’t quite do that and expect a good outcome, meaning poor prognosis. Cancer needs chemotherapy and surgery and all sorts of other modern medicine things. That doesn’t mean the holistic approach won’t work in conjunction with modern medicine.
Certain chemotherapy drugs are hard on the heart. I can help my heart by getting off my ass and moving again. Make that heart strong! Feed my heart things that are good for it. We are not supposed to take any form of supplements but I checked with my oncologist and I can eat anything I want. I have a license to eat all the junk I want but I won’t. That won’t help me. I do my best to eat a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables every day, lean meats, plenty of seafood as well. I’m staying away from processed foods although I can totally throw down with the bag of cheese doodles my husband bought for the kids in the pantry! Water. Flush that chemo out of my body as fast as possible!! Chemo drugs work pretty quick then it just kinda lingers in the body, causing issues. I ain’t got time for that, get out! I’ve been trying for approximately three liters of water per day. It will help flush it out plus chemo dries you out like you wouldn’t believe so I’m hopeful that it helps my skin out too!
I think what I am trying to point out is that even though hearing “You have cancer,” is horrific and life altering, it doesn’t mean the loss of control. Shit’s gonna happen during the process of chemotherapy and surgery that we can do nothing about. The hair is going to go. Cold capping is not worth it in so many ways, at least to me. I want to know I am doing everything I can to make sure there’s no evil cells left hiding, not even in my scalp. Bye bye hair. The boobs I’ve had all of my life are gone and I am left with these two alien looking things on my chest. I can have a little fun with this now. I’ve gone a little bigger because I can. Don’t get me wrong. They look nothing like the real deal. Wanna know something, I don’t even care. They look spectacular when I have clothes on and when I disrobe, the scars look like smiley faces letting me know that I’ve made cancer my bitch now. The process of getting chemo sucks but again, we have some control over that as well. I chose to get a port. It’s easy and I don’t run the risk of messing up my veins and causing burns. Why would I want to make things harder on myself?
As women and mothers, we need to take a more proactive approach to our own well being. There was nothing I could to avoid cancer. It is what it is. Being proactive is what got it diagnosed in an early stage where my prognosis is good. We owe it to ourselves, spouses and children to go for regular check ups. Yes, that list is long. Physicals, mammograms, obgyn, eyes, dentist, dermatologist, etc. I’m sure I’m leaving stuff out. If something feels off, get checked. Who cares if it seems we are at the doctors quite a bit. I grew up in an environment where you just didn’t go to the doctor at all, even though we had health insurance. Wasn’t allowed to use it. That’s bullshit and could have had serious repurcussions. I knew at a young age, I did not want that for my life. I’m a wife and a mother and my family of four is my biggest priority, my biggest motivator in life. I owe it them to take care of myself so I can care for them. Ladies, listen up, we owe it to ourselves to take care of us. No one is going to do it for us. Stop with bullshit excuses of lack of time, inconvenience, co pays, etc. Having cancer is hella inconvenient. Want to know what is more inconvenient? Regret of not taking care of yourself and preventing something catastrophic that your family will have to deal with. I’m going to be fine because I was proactive.
One of the gifts cancer has given me is one of being more introspective. I’ve learned what does and does not define me. I never mourned the loss of my boobs. They never defined me. I somewhat mourned the loss of my hair, maybe because it was a bit traumatic to watch it fall out in clumps so fast. My hair does not define me. I define me. I am not my appearance, I am not where I live or where I go. I am not defined by my past traumas and dramas. Through amazing fear, I was able to learn that I am strong and a bit feisty. I don’t sit around waiting for things to happen, I make them happen now for myself and my family. I no longer stay quiet when I feel something is not right for my kids. I work on trying to improve myself on a daily basis. I spend more time just being. I am no longer hesitant to speak my mind nor my truth. I knew something good had to come from all of this!
Breast cancer sucks. Chemotherapy sucks. All of these operations suck. No doubt. But I got this, I really do. I’ve got my husband and children cheering me on and supporting me, I’ve got the most wonderful in-laws and cousins checking in on me all the time and so many amazing friends that truly care. I’m lucky. I’m not fighting this alone and we are all racing towards my finish line!
Comentarios