Along the way, up to today, there have been many extreme feelings…both emotional and physical but somehow, there’s always hilarity in the process.
I still have mini freakouts from time to time. Very recently, I woke up with pain on my left side, towards my rib cage. It hurt to move my arm. That’s my cancer side. After dropping my kids off at school, I immediately went to my primary care physician. From fear and panic, I went to relief and laughter. I had an expansion earlier in the week that I totally forgot about. My body had to adjust to the foob going from a B to a C. Whoops! Better safe than sorry!!
I had an itch I cannot scratch. Frustration and amused…paired with annoyed and uncomfortable. I developed an itch under my right expander. My skin is still numb in some parts so I get no joy out of scratching anything and then with the impossible itch, well, I was stuck. I finally tried jumping up and down vigorously in hopes of causing my jiggly friends to jiggle enough to scratch my itch…ahhhh…holy sweet relief!
I escaped mouth sores with the Red Devil and Taxol chemotherapy only to get a teeny one 5 weeks out of chemo while on Herceptin and Perjeta. I got that thing gone in one day with oil pulling. No joke. I was desperate and willing to give it a shot 4 times that day. I woke up the next day a much happier person. Wanna know what’s worse than a mouth sore? A damn nose sore. I shit you not. That thing is pure evil. Teeny tiny white spot of hell on the inside of my left nostril had me seeing stars for a few days. My nose constantly runs so I am always touching it. Again, coconut oil and a little antibiotic ointment took care of it over 48 hours. My nose still runs but it no longer burns.
Teeth sensitivity. I was told at the beginning of chemotherapy that the teeth sometimes take a hit. I was armed and ready. Brushed after every meal, used Listerine to kill everything after breakfast, ACT after lunch brushing and Biotene before bed. I drank lots of water, woke up several times a night and was parched so more water. After all of that, I was left with sensitivity to temperature. Now I’m all about the Sensodyne. I consider it fall out from chemo and it’s really not so bad. I’ve heard stories of teeth falling out and such so I’m good with this!
Hilarity and some stuff I ain’t ever thought possible to feel, came from my digestive track. With chemo, you’re pumped with premeds…anti-nausea and steroids…lots of steroids and anti-nausea medication. That messes with the body, specifically the digestive track. I’ll cut to the chase. Severe constipation, unlike anything you could ever imagine. They tell us to take Colace at the first sign of it. Well, I should have. Listen up. This is gonna get ugly. After eating an entire canister of prunes in one afternoon with no relief, I called the after-hours oncologist on call and was told to try Colace morning and night. Next day, I got nothing. I drank warm water with lemon and walked the dog like it was a damn marathon, nothing. Another Colace. Nothing. WT ever loving F? I called the after-hours oncologist again and this time was told to take Milk of Magnesia. Cool, I can do that. It’s vile as hell but if it will help, why not? Well, someone should have told me that a full dose was not in my best interest. Six hours later, I was making many runs (haha, see what I did there?) to the bathroom, with little success. Well, soon after those trips, I felt some things I ain’t ever felt before and hope to god I never feel again. I raced back in there. It wasn’t pretty and ended with a text to my husband to leave clothes outside the bathroom door with cleaning supplies and a laundry basket. Need I say more? Oh, I had to buy a new shower curtain. You’re welcome. I’m laughing my ass off as I write this memory down, I hope you are too!
On that note, with this targeted therapy, one of the drugs has a lovely nickname. Perjecta is affectionately called poopjetta. Yep, we’re back to that after each infusion every three weeks. Go me. Literally.
This is the shit no one is willing to talk about. Good thing I am, right? These are the things I wish I had know before embarking on this crazy path. I am not going to sugar coat nor gloss over some of the chaos that comes from this journey. I’m gonna give you all the good, bad and the ugly…the real deal of what goes on.
After all of chemotherapy is done, one would think we immediately start to feel better. That’s not really the case. For 20 straight weeks, I’ve had toxic chemicals pumped into my body designed to kill cancer cells. I’ve had antihistamines sent through my veins so that I wouldn’t have a reaction and then steroids so that my body could tolerate those harsh drugs. Then there’s the adrenaline from the entire process. I was flying high for a looooong time. There’s always the crash from the high. Those medicines designed to help us get through treatments leave and our bodies are battered…and we feel it. The adrenaline is gone as well. We feel that, too. It’s a heavy duty exhaustion with leaded legs that we haul on a daily basis, waiting patiently for it to get better…and it does get better every day. I just keep moving forward, literally and figuratively. Movement alleviates the pain once I push past it.
I am aware that healing and recovery from chemotherapy takes months at best. Patience is something I’ve learned and needed throughout this process. I rest when I feel I need to but I push myself when I feel I can. Going to the gym has helped, running and weights and meeting with a trainer has helped my stamina come back and my body return to almost normal. Now I want to be in better physical shape than I was before diagnosis, and even though I was healthy to start, I want to be even healthier. I am changing my cancer setback to my comeback. I’ll be better than ever, with some new parts…
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