Prior to my last Taxol chemotherapy, we met with my oncologist and went over the plans for the next several months for my targeted therapy to shut off receptors in my cells. I will be going every three weeks until January. No other medications are needed as I am not hormone positive. Just HER2+. Once January rolls around, we can discuss removing my neat little port. The infusions are easy, no real side effects and no premeds. That means I will finally be able to start sleeping like a normal person again!
Well, chemotherapy ended the way it began…go big or go home! My first session yielded a port that was not accessed correctly leading to much pain and anxiety until the oncology nurses fixed what radiology had done incorrectly. My last session would not yield a blood return! Time for clot busters! Normally, the saline flush gets things open and moving. This time they needed heparin. Well, that didn’t work. I was even doing the arm aerobics in hopes of getting things going. They pulled out the big guns and let me sit and hopefully bust out what ever film was covering the inside of my port. That worked but was stressful. Thankfully, the infusion went very smoothly and I was beyond happy to finally be done with chemotherapy! Now I just have to wait for it to work itself out of my body and I can fell human again…and the 8 week countdown to reconstruction begins!
Last chemo. Still is surreal to me. 20 weeks of harsh chemicals being pumped into my body to kill any lingering cancer cells. I’ve lived my live for 20 weeks from Wednesday to Wednesday. That’s a habit that might be a little hard to break right now. When I started my first session on November 14, the thought of finishing chemotherapy seemed years away and somewhat impossible, so I chose to never think of the finish line. It was too depressing. Wednesday to Wednesday. I could time my side effects and know what days I could do things easily or go places until the next round came along. Now, as I deal with a few side effects, I know that as they go away, they ain’t coming back! That’s a crazy feeling to have. Life starts to get better from this point forward!
Chemotherapy has definitely exposed me to new things and I’ve become more open minded as a result. Each week, a holistic nurse would come and visit me and give me a Reiki session and sometimes acupressure as well. I was vaguely familiar with both and was curious. What I found was that I was significantly more relaxed and at peace after each Reiki session and I really began to look forward to her visits, not just for Reiki. I truly enjoyed her company. My nurse navigator would come and see me each week as well. I always felt as though I was surrounded with friends who cared while I was there.
The hospital created a class for cancer patients to learn Reiki Level One. I was not going to pass that up. Driving on an early Saturday morning to the hospital for something other than a doctor visit or chemotherapy was awesome. I was going on my terms for something fun. There was a small group of women, all different ages and stages of various cancers. The beauty of it was that we all got each other. No one understands a cancer patient like another cancer patient. I went in to learn Reiki but I left feeling empowered and loved. We all had to speak of our journeys and it was hard for some. We all cried, we all sang, we all laughed and we all loved. We went in to learn Reiki but came out feeling more connected to ourselves and less alone in our journeys. That’s a wonderful gift from the hospital to all of us.
You know all of those things you have been meaning to do or learn or see? Do them. What are you waiting for? You never know what tomorrow brings. I have put my life on hold for seven months…look out, I’m back. Read that book. Learn a new skill or language. Take a class. Paint a picture. Break out of your molds and live. Put negativity aside. Change your inner monologue. Find the good in people and situations. Don’t talk crap about yourself or others. Life really is too short for such bullshit. Take a deep breath. Right now, seriously. Take a deep breath…hold it…slowly let it go and now enjoy whatever the day brings…look for the good. Trust me, it’s always there…
Through out the past seven months, I have been amazed and blessed with the compassion and generosity of so many people as it continues. I am grateful for all the love, prayers and kindness bestowed to me throughout this journey.
My husband surprised me with a beach bag with matching flip flops right after my last chemotherapy session. That’s significant. It’s a sign of what’s to come. Gone are the cold dark days of winter and chemotherapy. I love living life in flip flops, it means summer and happiness. The one place I always long to be is at the beach. He nailed it.
So I survived chemotherapy relatively unscathed. Did I get a prize? Absolutely. I am reminded of my prize every single morning when I open my eyes. I get to see my husband and my sons and my little furbabies for the rest of my life…and for that I am grateful.
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